I received this email at work via our company contact form. It made it through the Google ReCaptcha. It reads sort of like an SCP, and I found it pretty entertaining, so I thought I would post it here.
If you read it out loud to friends and family, make up an interesting inflection for the sentences that end with “!?.”. Links have been redacted to protect your devices from malicious computer mojo.
Hello this is Mrs. Parker.: Mandated & Investigative Reporter.
1. [Redacted Google Docs link]
2. [Redacted link]
Mrs. Parker went into your Pocket location 1/15/2019; Parker is a law abiding citizen that has her own Media agency & works within Corporate Retail Management for several years!
Recently Parker was married & people started stalking her & her husband to the point that they are Officially registering in stores that they are currently shopping.
1/15/2019 Parker & her husband seemed to have been followed to the pocket location after being followed to a Bel Air! As they where walking out it looked like two of the people stalking them; where walking into the store! A lady name Safari & a Securitas Security!?. Now they are "fugitives" it seems & they are all working an illegal operation out of a 3331 Court location!
Now Parker is a young woman & is very high strung! She is very annoyed at being stalked by "people that knew her or of her" through a court division!?. The entire situation should be being investigated BUT the people stalking her have even tapped her phone & have people under mind control (electromagnetic Pulse; Stepford Technology) & all of the people in Parker's life's where being targeted & are currently also being investigated for having been under Pulse Tech that we'll just call "Hypnosis"!?.
The lady possibly stalking Mrs. Parker is working for or with the 3331 Dept & Securitas.
As Parker left the mart; there was a lady that entered at that EXACT same time (the way we know we're being illegally watched by them); she walked in EXACTLY as Parker was leaving with an arrogant smirk on her face!?. Parker then spoke to one of the employees & explained to him the situation!?. & he was asked if he could share that with the management. Parker is being stalked through an illegal dept in the Court & by Securitas Security working with them!?. They walked in likley impersonating authorities or Court officials & they are NOT!?. They are people that have been stalking & harassing Mrs. Parker. IF they asked for management Parker would assume they where trying at attacking her due to shopping at a store in a decent area; & that is all!?. It only has to do with low level people stalking Parker & trying at harassing her in stores or other locations she has visited!?. They might have spoke to a manager with a Securitas worker acting as if they where officials of some sort; they are NOT!?.
List of suspects.:
They wear Wraiths SO; people with similar features are also up for Question.:
[Redacted Google Docs link]
If you get insomnia Read the Entire situation.
Mrs. Parker registers & writes to you as her family it seems is Royalty & being stalked; & she contacting the ACTUAL authorities might help the situation when phones & Authority sites have been tapped!?. & a cell phone might be best for public advertised phone numbers as well.
[Redacted email address]