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Two things that fuck everything up for people who ride bikes

Question: In California, when two or more vehicles arrive simultaneously at a four–way stop, who goes first?

Answer: The person to the right—even if she is on a fucking bike!

Source: 2012 California Driver Handbook / Laws and Rules of the Road / Right-of-way Rules / Intersections

Drivers, if you arrive at the intersection first, go fucking first! Don’t assume I can see you wave me on through the glare of the sun on that huge piece of glass in front of your face. I’ve already come to a complete stop. It takes as much effort for me to start peddling now as it does four seconds from now when it is actually my turn to go. You making exceptions to state law at your whim only causes cognitive load and uncertainty that slows us both down. Traffic laws are there to keep travel safe and efficient. Stop fucking up the plan!

Question: In California, on which side of the road should moving vehicles travel?

Answer: The right side—even if you are riding a fucking bike.

Source: 2012 California Driver Handbook / Sharing the Road / Bicycles

Cyclists, we are squishy bags of meat sharing a small sliver of road with fast-moving, multi-ton missiles. If you are going to make me choose between a head-on collision with you, and being rear ended by 4 tons of glass and steel, I’m trying my luck with your soft, unhelmeted head.

I’ve already implemented a no-tolerance policy for issue #1. When motorists attempt to wave me on, I simply stare blankly at them until they go. I’m still researching the feasibility of regular head-on cycle collisions.1

  1. In reality, I don’t actually stare blankly at motorists, nor would I intentionally seek out a collision with another cyclist. Instead, I use my blog to express my ideas, my passions, and my frustrations with the universe.